Sold
by LeadYouIn
Summary: Tsunade's gambling problems have created a large hole in Konoha's budget a thirty million yen hole to be exact. When Shizune comes up with a solution that will save her's and the village's butt again, she takes it without question. But...oh dear...just w
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Shizune shuffled around Tsunade's office nervously. She was scared as hell. Tsunade had gotten the village's annual budget reports from her council of elders, and she was not pleased. Ever since the war between the Sound, Akatsuki, Sunagakure, and Konoha, there hadn't been enough ninjas left alive to complete the required missions to keep the village afloat. Add that to Tsunade's 'problems' **–**gambling- and you had a huge issue. Simply put, she was close to being broke because of a large debt she owed to the country of water.

Shizune had spent the afternoon attempting to console her mentor. 'So what if the village collapses in on itself? At least your gambling didn't cause it!' Actually it did. Tsunade only glared at her after that one. 'Hey, Shishou…look on the bright side of things..' Shizune paused to try to find a bright side, 'Hey, wow! You've only drunken twelve bottles of sake today! Maybe we'll have some money left over to buy a few bowls of ramen. Eh heh heh heh.' It could have gone a lot worse.

"Damn it Shizune! I can't pull thirty million yen out of my ass! How the hell am I supposed to raise that much money in two weeks?" _Damn sake, damn hot foreign ninja, damn job!_ She ran her hands through her hair in frustration. She grabbed the tempting sake bottle off of her desk before leaning against it and taking a huge swig.

"We…uuhhhh….we could have a bake sale!" Shizune smiled nervously and Tonton cowered in her arms.

"A BAKE SALE! WE'D HAVE TO GET THE WHOLE WORLD TO BUY OUR MANJU AND MOCHI TO RAISE THIRTY MILLION YEN!" Tsunade sent her a glare and slammed the sake bottle on her desk, not noticing when a book fell off of it. Shizune rushed over to pick it up.

It was the ninja personnel folder. As she picked it up, she flipped through it interestedly. She was having the beginning of a wonderful idea. An idea that might save her –correction, Tsunade's, ass….again.

"Ano, Tsunade-sama, look at all the male shinobi we have." She hoped she would begin to catch her drift. "Wow, they're all so big and strong…look at those muscles!" She was getting rather frustrated – flattering men was not something she did.

"Are you suggesting I sleep with them, get them to pay me….and somehow raise the money?" Shizune slapped her forehead as she felt her eyes starting to twitch.

"No, they all look really fit for **work**. It's a wonder that most of them don't have girlfriends. I'm sure there are tons of girls that would love to go out with them."

"Now you're saying I should go on a random date with on of them?" Tsunade scoffed, actually that wasn't bad from where she was standing now. "That's a great idea Shizune! Those Hyuugas must have hordes of money piled up somewhere…and the Uchiha kid too….his entire family treasury is just sitting there, he doesn't use it. We'll just convince those two social life-less people t-"

"NO TSUNADE-SAMA!" She calmed down as she got her teacher's attention. "We'll have an auction. We'll sell each of those male ninjas to the highest bidder for one we-"

"I have an idea! We'll sell each of those male ninjas to the highest bidder for one week!" Shizune sweat dropped at Tsunade's apparent idiocy. "They have to do whatever the hell the buyers want and then they pay them a lot of money….we'll say its for charity….we just won't tell them which one." Shizune face-faulted. "Now, we'll just let them all know about their wonderful new mission!"

Tsunade cackled and rubbed her hands together in glee. This was turning out better than she thought it could. If only she knew how wrong she'd be.

OoOoOoOoOoO

"Hmmmm," Kakashi pulled his nose out of his book as he saw an inconspicuous bird fly overhead. _I didn't think we had a meeting until next week._ "Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto.." His three pupils stopped weeding his garden and he felt his visible eye crinkle in amusement. They were undoubtedly jounin level at the tender age of sixteen and they had learned the value of teamwork – even if he had force-fed it to them-, in the end, it was fun watching them lose their tempers and snap at each other doing a D-rank mission that hadn't even been assigned to them.

Ah, they had grown indeed. They weren't quite as childish as they had been when they were placed under his care four long years ago. It actually amazed him, they were probably the most battle-experienced team of their age group and they acted like they had yet to graduate form the academy. It was kind of funny really. But he knew he could count of them, trust each of them with his life, and they'd all come through every time.

Naruto was still a loudmouth and resident dobe (to put it in Sasuke's words). He had grown to be over six feet tall with a much deeper voice as well. But, he still had his heart of gold to match his manly exterior. His training under Jiraiya was something that made him a candidate for becoming the Rokudaime. Though his teammates were on the list as well, he, as well as everyone in place to make that decision, knew the choice had been made long ago.

Sasuke had grown as well, shooting up to the same height as Naruto. He was far quieter than the other two, but that wasn't coldness or an attempt to remain aloof, not anymore. He had learned the value of friendship after being repeatedly bashed over the head by Naruto and just about hugged to death by Sakura. He loved them alright, he would just rather be hit by Chouji's meat tank, chopped into tiny pieces by Tenten's katanas, tossed into a sack that Neji and Hinata used for practice with their jyuuken, and then be thrown into the ocean with a Lee's leg weights around his neck than ever admit it.

Sakura was much the same as she had been four years ago. She was only five foot four, but her short pink hair and sparkling green eyes caught many young men's eyes…some perverted old men's eyes too. She had finally gotten the physical strength to match her emotional fortitude. He had always believed that she was the emotional-strength of the cell. The only one without a dysfunctional family, or lack thereof, with solid friendships, and the like she was the base that always brought Sasuke and Naruto home. One more than the other.

"Aha Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto paused to wipe the sweat off his brow. It was twelve o'clock now and it had long ago become unbearably hot. They had started at seven and had yet to cover half of Kakashi's lawn. "You're finally going to teach us that new technique! I knew that if he kept goi-"

"Urusai baka! You didn't want to keep going! You just kept babbling about your stupid ramen all day long!" Sakura glared at him and cracked her knuckles. "Not…another….word." _Fucking hell! We're applying to become jounin and we're still weeding gardens. He shall know pain! _ "One more…only one and you'll need the hospital." She stood upright and pulled her hair off of her neck. It was still too short to be put up, but it was long enough that it could stick to her neck and irritate her incessantly when it was hot enough. Not-a-good-day.

Kakashi grinned, though he knew they couldn't see it. "We have a meeting at the Hokage's office in ten minutes. Be there on time." With that, he disappeared in a comical cloud of smoke. It would have been a lot more comical if it had not been as hot, as humid, and the mission hadn't been as shitty. At the moment, Kakashi's strangeness was grating on their last nerve.

"Like we'll be late! It's always him wh-" Naruto stopped talking as two fists made contact with his already pained body.

"Urusai dobe." Sasuke smirked, even after all these years…he was still cool and sexy.

"I said NOT ANOTHER WORD BAKA!" Sakura crossed her arms and looked away. She was slightly better at controlling her temper nowadays (Naruto could vouch for that, he wasn't as covered in bruises as he used to be). Sasuke sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Let's just go." Sakura and Naruto stopped their seemingly hourly arguments and proceeded to walk alongside Sasuke. Sakura walked willingly…Naruto not so much, he was still rubbing a goose egg on his head.

"Come on!" Sakura giggled and grabbed each of their hands, "we don't want to be late!" She proceeded to skip along the road quite happily, oblivious to the two brooding males behind her.

"Moody….creepy….dumb…girls…..pms-ing…." Naruto mumbled indistinctly as Sakura pulled him along. Sasuke choose to keep quiet, definitely the wiser move.

Sakura spun around, mid skip, "Did you say something Naruto?" Her voice was too sweet; it was scaring both of them.

"No"

She beamed, "Good! We only have a few minutes left!"

_Psychotically moody_, thought Sasuke, _that's the solution_, _all women are psychotically moody. _

OoOoOoOoOoO

Kiba was sweating very hard. _Damn sunshine. It just had to be one hundred degrees outside today didn't it? _Shino, Hinata, and he had been working very hard at clearing the large storage room of some creepy old lady. Since the defeat of Akatsuki and Orochimaru there had been no interesting missions. It was all fucking grunt work, again.

He heard Hinata sigh from behind a rather large box. It couldn't be easy for her, lugging all those large and heavy things around all day. Yah, she was strong (and very dangerous when she got angry), but she was still a rather small girl. Akamaru could probably pick her up and throw her if he really wanted to, which he didn't. He saw Shino move to help her, lifting roughly twice what she had been struggling to very easily. He barked out a laugh but quickly coughed to cover it up. Kiba turned to carry some old stuffed birds to the garbage. Suddenly Kurenai appeared in the middle of the room, holding a mission scroll out to Shino.

"Meeting in ten minutes. Don't be late." With that she disappeared again.

Kiba sweat dropped, "Eh? And the other teams think Kakashi and Gai are weird."

OoOoOoOoOoO

Chouji was relaxing. It was a rare day where Ino was quiet, Shikamaru was actually working, and Asuma's second hand smoke wasn't causing him to want to strangle his teacher. A rare day indeed. He sighed in pleasure. Today they had been told to assist Izumo and Kotetsu in preparations for a bake sale –yes, a very ninja-esque pastime. They were to make cookies, cakes, sweet things in general. It was heaven for him.

He glanced over at his teammates. Ino had her tongue stuck out as she concentrated on maximizing the number of cookies she could make with the amount of dough she had rolled. It was almost impossible not to laugh. Ino didn't exactly strike anyone as the 'house-wife' type. Then, there was Shikamaru, the resident lazy-ass of Konoha. The brilliant tactician was reduced to rolling cinnamon buns. He was mouthing words under his breath and Chouji knew exactly what he was saying, he could practically hear him inside his head, 'mendokusai' Troublesome indeed.

Ino dropped her cookie cutters and glared at them. "These stupid things are….just…stupid!" She crossed her arms and sighed. "Ne, Shikamaru, why do we have to do this?"

Shikamaru sighed as well. "I don't know Ino. If I did, I likely wouldn't be here." _What a waste of time._ "Mendokusai." He started to work again, this time sprinkling the cinnamon on his misshapen mounds of dough. He stopped as plaintiff giggling could be heard. "Eh, Chouji? Is that you?" Chouji looked insulted in reply.

"Ino? Why are you laughing? It's not like yours are any better." She stopped and glared once again at her shuriken and kunai cookies. They looked more like broken twigs. "Ano, it's not like Chouji's look any better." She pointed her thumb in his general direction. "Hol-"

There were two piles of perfect looking loaves of bread, buns, and cakes. Cookie dough was in a few bowls, neatly organized along the counter top.

"You should have been a chef Chouji! Why didn't you ever tell us you could cook so well? Next time Okaa-san gets me to cook supper I'll just invite you over instead!" Ino jabbed his ribs playfully.

"Lucky, damn bake sale." Shikamaru kicked the floor half-heartedly. "Why do we even have to do this anyways?"

"I dunno," Ino waved her hand dismissively and resumed rolling and cutting the cookie dough into semi-recognizable shapes. "How does this taste so good," she stuck her finger in the dough, took a bite, "and look, so, so bad."

"Because you can't cook worth a rat's ass." _Brillaint Shikamaru, _thought Chouji_, tell the psychopath of a woman that she can't cook. Good thing there's a maid to clean up the mess ._Chouji went back to checking on his bread.

"I'm just gonna let that one go." She glared at him. "And it's your one and only break today." _Fucking cookies. _

"Oi, Ino, Shikamaru, Chouji." Asuma motioned for them to come over to the corner of the kitchen he had taken over. "There's a meeting in ten minutes. Don't be late." He casually lit another cigarette, and then another as Ino snuffed out the one he had previously lit.

OoOoOoOoOoO

The walk towards the center of Konoha was relatively uneventful as things go for team ten. Chouji had stepped on Ino's foot, Ino had tried to hit him but she missed and hit Shikamaru instead, he in turn shrugged it off and continued being dragged by Chouji towards the meeting place. Uneventful indeed. As they were walking towards the Hokage's office they met up with some of their old friends.

"Tenten!" Ino ran over to her friend. "What do you think this meeting is – oh hey forehead girl!"

Tenten grinned in amusement. "The attention span of a fly. Almost as bad as that one." She pointed her thumb in the direction of an approaching orange blur.

Neji smirked but that look was soon replaced by a fleeting glance of confusion. _What are we doing here?_

Needless to say that thought was on everybody's minds.

"Ohayo Hinata-chan!" Naruto positively beamed at her as he ran over. He stopped and sniffed the air. "Uh….Kiba…..did you put on deodorant this morning?" Kiba glared at him. As Naruto was babbling to Hinata about anything and everything under the sun and as Hinata was blushing, the group made their way into the cooler offices of the Hokage.

Kiba trailed behind, dawdling and gaping as he was left behind. He carefully sniffed his armpit. "Ah hell! Akamaru, why didn't you tell me!"

OoOoOoOoOoO

_Ah they all showed up! _It was all Tsunade could do to avoid rubbing her fingers together and cackling with glee. The hallelujah chorus was playing in her head, the angels were singing, and most importantly, the village wasn't going to be in debt anymore.

"Ano, Tsunade-sama," Shizune hissed at her as discreetly as she could, considering sixteen elite shinobi were in the room with them. "They want to know about…_the mission."_ She made sure her voice trailed off for the last part.

"Come on Baa-chan, this is getting old, just like you!" Naruto laughed out loud while the others tried to hide their chuckles; Tsunade looked murderous.

"Well then dead last, I guess you get to go first." Tsunade couldn't resist anymore, she cackled.

"Well," the confusion was evident, "what am I doing?"

"Congratulations! You are officially Item Number One at Konoha's first ever 'Annual Boy Toy Auction'!"

Silence, all encompassing silence. Sakura swore she saw some tumbleweed blow by in the background. She glanced at the clock above the desk. _And three…two…_

"WHAT THE HELL!"

OoOoOoOoOoO

Author's Note: So, what do you guys think about the new story? It's going to be mainly humour with some drama (of course, it's me lol). I can't wait to hash this out and get it written and on the site. Tell me what you think, ideas, comments, questions, anything! Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: Still don't own Naruto

"That's right _dead last_." Tsunade attempted to hide a huge grin at Naruto's expressions. "I'm going to sell you."

Shizune glared at Tsunade, although when her mentor felt the gamma rays of hate radiating from behind her, she changed her expression to a reluctant thumbs up. "What Tsunade-sama means to say is that our favourite local charity," she paused, _Kuso! Konoha has no charities!_ "ugh, G.I.V.E.M.O.N.E.Y. is having an event and they asked for help," she laughed nervously, she felt the gamma rays of hate too, "and we signed you up…to be bought…by girls." At this the entire group blanched noticeably, even the emotionless, hormonally challenged bastards.

"I've never heard of that charity," Kiba snarled, this whole idea was just ridiculous. There was no way he was going to be sold! Tsunade and Shizune were acting very strange as well. "What does G.I.V.E.M.O.N.E.Y. stand for?"

"Err well," Tsunade looked around, "Shizune knows."

Shizune glared. "Well, Great Importance Very Everywhere Means One Needs Everything Yearly. It's a charity for…people…who….need things."

Lee grinned, "Well, if it's for charity!" The rest of the males in the room, aside form Gai, gazed at him in disbelief.

Ino stepped forward, "I think it's a great idea!" She grinned. "I mean, a chance to see all the guys in this room working, without shirts, sweat-"

Sakura slapped a hand over her best friend's mouth. "Why are you doing this Tsunade-shishou? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're doing this because you need money." Nods of agreement from around the room.

Tsunade laughed nervously. _Damn that girl is too smart.._ "Well, you don't know better so leave." She looked around her desk momentarily, and then found what she was looking for - the bulky katana of Nidaime that she was supposed to have cleaned. She got up and proceeded to gesture to Sakura and the door with the axe. Sakura jumped and nearly ran there, spluttering all the while. She spotted Shikamaru on her way out, _This one's smart too, _She grabbed him by the ear and threw them out of the door. "That's right! And don't come back!" She opened the door as an afterthought, seeing both the retreating backs of the brightest minds of their generation. "Except you Shikamaru, we need you…you can come back! Oh, and you too Sakura! Bring your money!"

Tsunade slammed the door almost jauntily, feeling a sense of accomplishment. As she turned around she noticed that peculiar burning was back. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BRATS WAITING FOR! OUT!" She opened the door again and stood with her most Hokage-esque expression of anger. Nobody moved. "WHAT ARE YOU LITTLE PUNKS DOING IN HE-" Shizune appeared by her side, as quickly as only a ninja could.

She whispered, "Tsunade-sama, you're blocking the door and you're holding an axe."

Tsunade looked at her indignantly, "I knew that, and they did too! See, I told you they'd pass the test! They've all passed the ninja eye sight exams, you know, we can't have any more people running into enemy ninjas who have weapons. NOW GET OUT!" Still, nobody moved.

Shizune whispered again, "You're still in front of the door and you've still got the axe."

Tsunade moved, maintaining as much of her dignity as possible. "Neji, Naruto, Sasuke, and whoever else has an X and a Y chromosome in here. Report back here at seven a.m. sharp for your lessons."

Naruto nervously approached her, eyeing the axe nervously and the door wistfully. "Baa-chan, wha-what lessons?"

"Oh," she cackled madly in her head, "You'll see." Tsunade pulled him towards her chest absently mindedly, "You'll see."

"Right," Sasuke walked past her, trying very hard to maintain at least three feet of space between himself, and the crazy blond woman who obviously had placed genjutsu on the council who was in charge of electing a Hokage. _I knew it…psychotically moody._

Neji, Kakashi, and Asuma merely shuffled after Sasuke; inwardly laughing at the awkward hold Tsunade had Naruto, whose face was turning an interesting shade, in.

"Well we, for two," Lee and Gai approached the Hokage, "think this is a fantastic idea Hokage-sama."

Lee grinned, his teeth shining under the incandescent lighting (Shizune frowned; _I thought these lights were supposed to reduce blinding glares_) "And may I say Hokage-sama that you look particularly youthful today! Let the winter of your youth…snow on!" (Shizune shook her head, he normally said spring time. Both really had a lot to learn about women.) He made his exit with his role-model.

"Well done Lee! Nice save!" Gai's teeth ping-ed in the corridor. (Shizune frowned again; _these sound-proof doors really aren't that great either._) "To celebrate your charming manners and dashing good looks of youth, we shall run three-hundred laps around the village!"

"Gai-sensei!" Tsunade heard the waterworks starting.

"Lee!"

Gai-sensei!" Two set of teeth ping-ed.

"Er, Tsunade moved towards the door, finally releasing Naruto, who ran far, far away. "We should close this before they flood it."

"Ano, Tsunade-sama," Shizune's quiet voice cut through the hysterics in the hallway. "Do you have any questions about how this is going to work?"

"Just one," they had reached the door, "Where do they get all the water from every damn time?"

OoOoOoOoOoO

"So, " the five kunoichi who were at the _interesting _meeting were now gathered at the Ichiraku ramen stand. Tenten continued, "So…"

"Well, what did I miss?" …_when Tsunade-sama picked up the giant axe. _Sakura felt a sweat drop coming on, but resisted heavily.

"Ah, not much forehead girl." Ino grabbed her bowl of beef ramen and took a mouthful before continuing. "There was some yelling, some threatening, some weapon-waving. All in all, pretty average." As she bent over her ramen she saw three heads nodding in agreement.

"Ano," Hinata's quiet voice interrupted the hungry slurping, which, to a certain blond-haired ninja (even the thought made her blush) would be quite ritualistic. "What do you think Tsunade-sama meant by lessons?"

"Yah," Tenten's much louder voice cut through, "What could she possibly want to teach those guys without us there?" Her friends (plus a sensei) nodded in agreement.

Kurenai paused in eating her tempura to add in her thoughts. "I'm not sure; Hokage-sama is quite strange." This time, four nods of agreement.

"Guess that's the end of that." Ino bent over her ramen once more.

"We..we are following them right?"

Sakura looked at her in mock indignation, "Was there any doubt?"

Again, three nods of agreement.

OoOoOoOoOoO

"…then Hinata-chan will never talk to me, then she'll want to go out with you like every other girl in this whole goddamn country, then she'll marry you, then she'll have ki-" Sasuke smacked Naruto over the head with, or what used to be, a vase. "Sorry," Naruto glanced at the microwave again. "Shouldn't instant ramen be more…instant?"

"Dobe," Sasuke sighed, "you really are a dobe." The two of them had left Tsunade's office (Sasuke had waited) and went to the training fields for their weekly sparring time after regular training with Sakura and Kakashi. They hid the fact that, underneath it all, they liked to spend time with each other under their lingering rivalry.

Naruto glared, and then smiled as his ramen was finished. He took the two containers out, handed one to Sasuke, and then stuck two more in. _And maybe moodiness isn't just for girls?_

"Well," he began to speak through mouthfuls of noodles. He was practically inhaling the stuff. "She is always around our team, then she talks to use in that really cute quiet voice, then when we hear her and turn around she falls over, then when I pick her up she screams and runs away, that must mean that she likes you!"

Sasuke sweat dropped. "Naru-dobe," _I really am getting soft_. "How did we start talking about this?"

"Well, I said that Hinata-chan wouldn't buy me at the auction." Naruto's expression was so deflated that even Sasuke didn't have the heart to prod his friend's little crush.

"Well, she would have to be crazy to do that." Okay, so he lied.

Naruto really glared this time, and then smiled as the microwave ding-ed. He passed Sasuke one of the containers, inhaled his food once more, and then yelled. "And why wouldn't she buy me?"

Sasuke smirked, "It would take too long to tell you that. But," he blocked Naruto's fist and continued speaking, "I can anyways. You turn as red as a tomato," He inwardly salivated _Tomatoes.._, "whenever she's around, you start stuttering when she says your name or any other word to you, yo-"

"Okay, okay I get it!" Naruto moved from his small kitchen table to the counter. "How about we make this shitty mission interesting?" He smirked as he noticed Sasuke's eyebrow raise, indicating interest. "I bet that I can get Hinata-chan to buy me for more money than Sakura-chan will buy you for, if she even wants to buy you. "

"Oh, she wants to buy me."

"I was thinking more in the direction of Lee over you."

"Well, I was thinking that if you don't tell Sakura she should buy me, I would mention to Hinata about that time we played Truth or Dare and you ran to he-"

Naruto slapped a hand across Sasuke's mouth, "Did I mention how much Sakura-chan loves you?" _Manipulative bastard._

"Hey, how many people do you think will be there? Not many, there's really not that many girls in this village."

"Hn" Sasuke added his agreement.

They had no idea how wrong they would be.

OoOoOoOoOoO

The sun had long ago set, yet Tsunade was still scribbling away at the paperwork she had managed to stay on top of, thanks to Shizune's watchful (obsessive) eye. Well, this part wasn't that bad. She was about to add the seven other letters atop her desk. She finished and began to walk to her quarters, also conveniently located about ten feet away from the vault containing the rest of the evil paperwork.

The letter read:

_Kazekage-sama,_

_The Village Hidden in the Leaves formally requests you, and all of your eligible females, to attend a week of celebration festivities to be held in Konoha in one week's time. This activity would illustrate both your goodwill towards the solidification of our alliance with all other shinobi countries and your desire to see Konoha regain its strength from before the recent war between Otogakure, Akatsuki, and ourselves. _

_The festivities will commence with a traditional festival and end with a surprise auction, at which said females are encouraged to bid on the items for sale. _

_Godaime Hokage_

_Tsunade_

OoOoOoOoOoO

Okay, so I know this chapter is shorter than the last, but it's only because I'm leaving in a couple of days for a month, and I really wanted to update before I left. So, how was it? I took PopeYoda1's suggestion and am going to be brining in some, well a rather large amount, of other characters. So, if you can think of personalities or incidents you think would be funny, don't hesitate to let me know!

I hope this was funny, I try lol. Tsunade was just, wwaayyy out there. Anyways, thank you for reading and please drop a review!

Next Time: The girls spy on Tsunade's 'lesson', the guys learn just what they've been dragged into, relationships are tested in some absurd circumstances, and our guest begin to arrive! Enjoy!


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